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PROMOTING LASTING FRIENDSHIPS FOR YOUR CHILD


A close, positive friendship is an important influential factor.

It isn’t easy making a best friend these days. A number of obstacles can get in the way as kids try to make strong friendship bonds- aka, a best friend.


For most gone are the days of running around the streets and over the fields with your best buddies until dinnertime. There is too much homework and too many electronic alternatives. The changing dynamics of the modern family.

Although the majority of kids tend to meet their best friend at school, school dynamics and cultures are changing. Towards Junior and high school, cliques are typically broken up to prevent or combat bullying and classrooms are often shuffled for size and ability. Lunch time is shorter, as is the time between classes.

Many kids have their afternoons packed with programmed activities. Although some extracurricular activities allow kids to find companions with common interests, he says that daily after school programming cannot replace the benefits of spending one-on-one time with a best friend.

Social networking, online gaming and texting can help maintain close friendships when close friends are apart, but overall, typical online friendships create mostly superficial friendships.


Having a good friend affects a child’s school performance, too. Children tend to have better attitudes about school and learning when they have their good friends there.

Teachers notice the subtle impact of friendships — good students tend to hang out with good students. Grades matter, projects and assignments are always done and achievement is a common thread. The carefree students hang out with other carefree students. Being cool and popular is most important. In this group, doing well in school can even be ridiculed.

The friends they choose may determine the academic path they take in the years to come.


Children are not born with social skills. Parents need to help prepare them to interact successfully with peers. A parent’s love, acceptance and respect for their child help him/her develop the basic trust and self-confidence necessary to go out and develop bonds with others.

Parents are role models who, by their own behaviour, can teach children how to meet people and talk to them, to cooperate with others and to ask for favours. Parents can teach how to win or lose well, to apologize and accept apologies and how to be patient, respectful, and considerate. Parents can help their child learn how to be the type of person others like to be around.


Some things you can do to promote long lasting friendships for your child

▪ Provide your child with opportunities to spend time with other children. Invite other children to your house to play or let your child participate in clubs, classes or teams. For older kids, make your home inviting so that your child wants to invite friends over, respect their privacy and provide them with guidelines that will allow them to talk/text with their friends.

▪ Help your child learn games and sports. Being able to play games and sports tends to be important for school-age children. It is easier to join in and have fun if they know the rules and have the basic skills to become a participant. Make sure not to let the sport become a drill or drudgery.

▪ Set clear rules for appropriate behaviour. A child learns social skills in part through family rules about how to treat others. When you need to discipline your child, remember that he will imitate your actions. How you treat him when he breaks a rule will influence how he responds to others. Be firm, kind and respectful when you express your expectations.

▪ Teach your child how to handle different social situations. You probably began to teach your toddler how to share and how to say please and thank you. Continue coaching your child as she grows older and encounters more social situations.

▪ Talk with your child. Spend some time every day talking with your child. This time is not for giving instructions or lecturing, but just for talking about the day’s events or things that interest both of you. When your child is talking, make sure you are listening. Talking with your child will not only help you keep up with him, but it will also let him practice the very important social skill of holding a conversation.

▪ Help your child learn to see others’ points of view. Around the age of 6 or 7, children are more able to understand others’ feelings and points of view. Help your child develop this ability by talking about different situations. For example, when reading with your child, stop and ask how a character is feeling and why he does certain things. Or when your child tells you about situation at school, ask how she thinks the people felt and why they acted as they did.

▪ Help your child learn to manage negative feelings and solve problems. Being able to manage negative feelings and work out problems are important skills in getting along with others. First, help your child identify the situation. For example, say, “It sounds like you’re upset because Peter didn’t include you in the game.” Then help brainstorm solutions to the situation. Talk about the solutions he comes up with and have him pick one.

▪ Do not sweat the small stuff. Fitting in with friends is very important to school-age children (and becomes increasingly important as children near adolescence). Recognize how important it is to your child. She and her friends may do things that seem silly to you. For example, you may not like how children this age like to dress. However, if your child’s behaviour is not dangerous or offensive, do not sweat the small stuff.


Friendships play a pivotal role in developing self- confidence and social skills and are known to impact academic success. Parents play a crucial role in a child’s social development, but they cannot make friends for their child. Parental love, patience, and support can provide a foundation to help make this development task a success.


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